In May of 2011 I learned that I have throat cancer and before I could even get my head wrapped around this I realized that I would have to undergo chemo and radiation therapy immediately. Since I would be receiving radiation to my throat it also involved me getting a feeding tube put in since the radiation would eventually preclude me from swallowing. Now this is pretty scary stuff. After the feeding tube was put in I had to face seven weeks of intense chemo and radiation treatments. From the very beginning starting with my first dose of chemo I quickly realized I was in over my head. The sickness I felt from my first chemo was almost unbearable, and I truly felt I was going to die. I expressed several times that I could not go through with this and to think I had to endure seven weeks was unimaginable. I quickly received words of support from my family and friends but to me they were just words how can words help me. There is an old metaphor, "There is a light at the end of the tunnel" well for me there was absolutely no light at all. Then a friend, Brittney Davis wrote to me on Facebook, "When there is no light at the end of the tunnel remember that not all tunnels are straight and the light is around the corner which you have yet to turn". I had never thought of it like that before and I started to use that notion that I would be in the dark for sometime. I am now in my 6th week of treatment and it continues to be a tremendous struggle for me but for once I can now see a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel. I am hear to tell you that this has been the most defining moment in my life, to endure such pain can not be put into words. Even though I have not completed my treatments I feel now for the first time, I'm going to make it! I certainly would not have made it to this point without the help of My Three Stars. My Three Stars who with more then just words showed me that I was dear to them and had the need for me to survive probably more then myself. Just as this ordeal was the most defining moment in my life, so too was my Three Stars that shined for me.
To Mary my wife of 33 years thank you for being there for me. You comforted me and took care of all my physical and emotional needs. You worked two jobs and would come home without complaining a bit and did the house work that I could no longer do. You helped me in preparing all my meds and making sure I took them all, you attend to my comfort and consoled me often. Thank you for rubbing lotion on my neck everyday and preparing my mouth rinse. You never complained about losing sleep those nights I was up throw up disturbing your sleep even the days you had to work a 11 hour shift. Thank you for all the back and foot massages. I will never forget the moments that we cried together.
To Richard my oldest son thank you for being there for me. Your many, many visits that you made driving down from Spokane to be with me was a great help even though you too worked very long hours. You even had to endure sleeping on couch cushions. You being there for me when Mary was at work all day helped to keep my mind clear of emotional pitfalls. Thank you for your understanding when we would go out together and I would have to cut it short due to fatigue and go home. Thank you for all the unbelievable gifts that you brought all of which distracted greatly from my dilemma. I well never forget all the yard sale that we went to together.
To Melissa my favorite daughter thank you for being there for me. For being so far away your impact on me was tremendous. Thank you so much for all the calls and even when I couldn't talk for all the text messages. Our talks always lifted my spirits and always seemed to come at the right time. Thank you for all the cards, pictures and home videos they too seemed to always come when I needed a pick me up. Thank you for the hand painted picture frame that you and Chris did and putting your family picture in it, I have it placed next to my bed and see it every day. Thank you for the tribute video that you put on Facebook, it touched my heart. Thank you for making plans to visit in September giving me something to look forward to, one of which is seeing my Grandson Shane for the first time.
Thanks to My Three Stars not only do I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I am sprinting towards it.
